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     Ha, ha, hee-hee, funny!

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Recommended for ages 13+.

The following are all works of fiction. All names, characters, incidents, and places are either the product of the authors' imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business enterprises, or locales is entirely coincidental.


 1.   Q.  What should you never say to a hit man dealing cards at a blackjack table?

 2.  Q.  Which path will lead to your own destruction?

 3.  Q.  Which bear has no claws, but yet will always bring you down?

 4.  Q.  What happened when people demanded too much change for the dollar?

 5.  Q.  Why did the duck walk across the intersection?

 6.  Q.  What kind of duck shouldn’t you take too seriously?

 7.  Q.  Which mate do you definitely not want to fool around with?

 8.  Q.  What kind of man can you expect to always give you the cold shoulder?

 9.  Q.  What did the mouse say to the mobster?

10. Q.  What common denominator do squirrels and looney bins have?

11. Q.  What did the cat say to the dog at dinner?

12. Q.  What don't you want to hear from God after you die?

13. Q.  What is the perfect recipe for a pot belly?

14. Q.  What do airline pilots and wide receivers have in common?

15. Q.  What did the tomato say to the naughty potato?

16. Q.  Why was Billy the kid in distress?

17. Q.  Which came first the ostrich or the egg?

18. Q.  Whose greater exercise regime is rewarded by more weight gain?

19. Q.  Why are red hens more popular?

20. Q.  What did an orange say to a lemon after an argument?

21. Q.  When is falling not so painful?

22. Q.  What do chiropractors and mobsters have in common?

23. Q.  How many are two short of a dozen?

24. Q.  What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?

25. Q.  Why was the drummer losing patience with the guitar player?

26. Q.  What should you never confess to a priest?

27. Q.  What is the easiest way to get  bills passed by a politician?

28. Q.  What is a vampire's favourite drink?

29. Q.  What did the lady of the night say to the magician?

30. Q.  What's the dirtiest joke ever?

31. Q.  Who will leave you shaking like a leaf after a hug?

32. Q.  What is the dumbest joke ever?

33. Q.  What should you never say to a comedian?

34. Q.  When is it okay to steal?
Answers Below:

1. A.. *****Hit me.*****
2. A.  *****Being a psychopath.*****
3. A.  *****A bear market.*****
4. A.  *****It became a loonie.*****
5. A.  *****There was a no fly zone in effect. *****
6. A.  *****A quack quack. *****
7. A.  *****A primate.*****
8. A.  *****A snowman.*****
9. A.  *****Are you the big cheese.*****
10. A.  *****Nuts. *****
11. A.  *****You’re looking a little rough.*****
12. A.  ******Congratulations, you’ve earned a permanent vacation down   
13. A.  *****Two too many donuts.*****
14. A.  *****They’re both happy once they touch down.*****
15. A.  *****You’re grounded.*****
16. A.  *****He was being chased by the big bad wolf. Billy was a goat.*****
17. A.  *****Did anyone specify which type of egg?*****
18. A.  *****A mop.*****
19. A.  *****They’re hot.*****
20. A.  *****”You’re sour.”*****
21. A.  *****When you’re falling in love.*****
22. A.  *****They both fix things.*****
23. A.  ******Eleven. It’s a baker’s dozen.*****
24. A.  *****’Imistic” cancels out and the numerical difference ‘pess’ and ‘opt’      
       is 8.*****
25. A.   *****He was tired of him stringing along.*****
26. A.   *****I’ve been skimming money from the weekly offerings.*****
27. A.   *****A few bills under the table.*****
28. A.   *****A Bloody Mary.*****
29. A.   *****I have more tricks up my sleeve.*****
30. A.   *****We’re still digging.*****
31. A.   *****A bear.*****
32. A.  *****I don’t know my IQ is not that lo.*****
33. A.  *****You’re such a joke.*****
34. A.  *****When playing baseball.*****